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Marriage: Striving for Excellence
Purposes of Marriage
"...[T]he life of a married couple should resemble the life of the angels in heaven—a life full of joy and spiritual delight, a life of unity and concord, a friendship both mental and physical. The home should be orderly and well-organized. Their ideas and thoughts should be like the rays of the sun of truth and the radiance of the brilliant stars in the heavens. Even as two birds they should warble melodies upon the branches of the tree of fellowship and harmony. They should always be elated with joy and gladness and be a source of happiness to the hearts of others. They should set an example to their fellow-men, manifest true and sincere love towards each other and educate their children in such a manner as to blazon the fame and glory of their family." (‘Abdu’l-Bahá: Lights of Guidance, #733)
"The Bahá’í Faith recognizes the value of the sex impulse, but condemns its illegitimate and improper expressions such as free love, companionate marriage and others, all of which it considers positively harmful to man and to the society in which he lives. The proper use of the sex instinct is the natural right of every individual, and it is precisely for this purpose that the institution of marriage has been established. The Bahá’ís do not believe in the suppression of the sex impulse but in its regulation and control." (Shoghi Effendi: Lights of Guidance, #1156)
"The Bahá’í Teachings do not contemplate any form of 'trial marriage.' A couple should study each other’s character and spend time getting to know each other before they decide to marry, and when they do marry it should be with the intention of establishing an eternal bond. They should realize, moreover, that the primary purpose of marriage is the procreation of children. (Universal House of Justice: Lights of Guidance, #1269)
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Bahá’u'lláh's Marriage Law Excerpt provided with permission of Bahá’í Canada (February 2011); includes current guidance on consent, engagements, weddings...
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Helpful Resources: (See below for additional ones)
Potential Correlation of Principles from the current Plans of the Universal House of Justice and Relationships and Marriage (downloadable pdf file)
Brief Video on Character and Marriage
The Sacred Commitment of Marriage (The education links between marriage preparation and neighborhood community building) (downloadable pdf file)
Building Consultation Skills (Resources from Bahá’í Dr. Jason Combs)
The Role of Individual and Couples
Individual awareness and initiative are key factors in the effective establishment and maintenance of relationships and marriages in the Bahá’í community and the greater community. Individuals and couples can make the personal choice to seek out and participate in relationship and marriage education: knowledge and skill building for strong and happy marriages. As people establish strong marriages and families, this strengthens the community. Awareness also helps individuals and couples provide outreach and encouragement to others, helping them to understand how to establish strong marriages, and assisting them with resources during difficult times.
“The individual initiative of the friends should be carefully nurtured and encouraged so that they may, guided by the spiritual principles of our Faith, arise to fulfill their spiritual responsibilities.” (On behalf of the Universal House of Justice, Lights of Guidance, p. 556)
“Learning in action….” (Universal House of Justice, 1-13-03)
“The more we do, the more we learn.” (International Teaching Centre, 9-30-07)
Why Maintain Marriages?
Marital and family unity among the Bahá’ís builds credibility for their message of unity to the world. Seriously courting a partner, including in-depth character understanding, and maintaining marriages are part of an individual’s and couple’s service to God:
“…[I]f the friends are not able to maintain harmony within their families, on what other basis do they hope to demonstrate to a skeptical world the efficacy of the pre-eminent character of the Revelation of Bahá’u’lláh? What possible influence could they hope to exert on the development of nations and the establishment of world peace?” (On behalf of the Universal House of Justice: Lights of Guidance, p. 222)
At times you will hear Bahá’ís say that the divorce rate among Bahá’ís is the same as in the general public. There has not been systematic data collection on this matter, so no facts are known. However, where some data is available, this does not appear to be true; the rates appear to be lower.
Marriage Enrichment/Strengthening
There is a wide range of materials and courses available for keeping your marriage strong and healthy. Be proactive and focused on prevention and catching problems early. Getting help before your problems are severe will help keep your marriage unified. |
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Troubled Marriages and Marriage Counseling; Reconciliation, Separation, and Divorce
See Resource section
“Consultation is…available for the individual in solving his own problems; he may consult with his Assembly, with his family and with his friends.” (“Understanding Tests” letter on behalf of the Universal House of Justice, July 17, 1989)
“Neither you nor your husband should hesitate to continue consulting professional marriage counselors, individually and together if possible, and also to take advantage of the supportive counseling which can come from wise and mature friends. Non-Bahá’í counseling can be useful but it is usually necessary to temper it with Bahá’í insight.” (On behalf of the Universal House of Justice: The Compilation of Compilations, Vol. II, “Preserving Bahá’í Marriages”,
p. 455)
Resources
See Resources for compilations of quotations and information on:
- Preventing and responding to infidelity
- Seeing a marriage counselor
- Separation/year of waiting/reconciliation
Books, Discussion & Action Resources, and Websites
Workshops
Marriage Transformation
Marriage Consultation
Newsletter
Marriage Transformation sends out a periodic complimentary newsletter to a general audience of people interested in relationships and marriage.
Click here to subscribe to our email list for Articles, News of New Products, and Events:
“Out of the fusion of two souls a third subtle entity is born. Though invisible and intangible on earth it is the composite soul of true lovers. The progress of one mysteriously influences the other, they become the tutors of each other’s soul. Distance or death, being physical forces, cannot cause its disintegration.”
~ Rosemary Sala, The Bahá’í World, Volume 7, p. 763
(link to source article, "Marriage in the Baha'i Faith")
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